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Channel 9 suck, all Australian’s know this, Moses just mentioned it, Tony mentions it often, but in Australia we are stuck with them for a while longer.
So I thought we should rate their on air talent.
Bill Lawry – Rumours have be circulating around the traps for a while that Bill is on his way out. It’s not that he is losing form, its that he is in the exact same form he was when he signed his first Channel 9 contract. Would be unfair to lose his position when there are others around who are ordinary. Still gets excited, still speaks his mind, it’s just that we know what is going to come out.
B-
Tony Greig – Is still a pervert, but is not a pervert protected by Kerry Packer or his scientologist son. Continues to get cricketers names wrong. Continues to talk about broad shoulders and well built young men, and still the only commentator willing to say dirty things when pretty young ladies are shown. Invented crash helmets, the doosra and the Tony Greig shot (a lingering camera shot on a hot chick in revealing costume). Is not in particularly good form, but hard to remember a time when he was. Still hates Australia while making all his cash here. You have to respect that.
C
Richie Benaud – I am not worthy to rate the great man.
A+
Ian Chappell – You know before the year what you will get from him. He will say the SCG is his favourite ground. He will talk about Les Favell twelve times a test. He will say the opposition batting line up is wrong. He will complain about every captaining decision. He will try like fu©k not too swear. And he will name drop every important cricket name he can think of at all times. But he does actually have opinions and he does talk about cricket, so it’s hard to hate him.
B-
Ian Healy – The man was a champion cricketer. Which is lucky cause he is a horrible commentator. He can’t interview, he sits on the fence, he makes excuses for all cricketers mistakes and he has the on air personality of a fish that has been killed, scaled and regurgitated. Gets technical about a sport that is pretty damn simple. When on the cricket show giving a master class he is very good, but why not let him specialise in that. He is not up to commentating.
F
Mark Taylor – Can’t speak really that good. For a man that seemed so damn clever on the field, you would have to think he left all that intelligence out on the pitch. His only redeeming moments come in bagging Michael Slater, but that’s an easy target. He is lucky that Ian Healy is around, so he doesn’t look like a complete fool. He has ruined so many great cricket moments like McGrath’s hattrick, that he should be tried for heresy.
F
Mark Nicholas – The man who thinks everything is delightful, wonderful and exquisite. Only George Bush sucks up to Australians better than Mark. Everytime he spoke to Shane Warne Channel 9 had to replace Shane’s shoes for excessive semen damage. His latest escapade where he went over the top on Gilly for 3 days straight proves he is a sycophant and should be sent back to whatever pay tv network he came from.
D
Michael Slater – I always hated Slater, maybe it was all the failures in the 90’s, or his tattoo, his car or those Mrs Gilly rumours, but either way he got on my nerves as a player. As a commentator I don’t hate him. Compared with the other new breed, he is actually quite good. He bags himself well, doesn’t pretend to know anything about cricket and gets excited about buttering his toast. Sure he says 74 words when none will do, but he has a dumb guy honesty that seems to suit commentating. But that said, he is not in the 10 best commentators in Australia and should be shafted.
C
Simon O’Donnell and the Cricket Show – So’d is smug, and a tosser, but as long as he is shafted to the cricket show he is fairly harmless. After watching him on the races for long periods of times I know why he is only given a few moments at a time.
His show is out dated, stale and ©rap. They show filmed episodes that are boring and useless. Dan Cullen and Cullen Bailey get specials even though both of them are too sh1te to get regular selections for their state (the worst in the country) and yet Bryce McGain, Doug Bollinger and others who are an actual chance of playing for their country are hardly mentioned.
Either make it a cricket show like Inside Cricket on Foxtel, or make it a relevant clips show, and show specials on young cricketers who are performing at state level or just in the national side. Don’t give us the worst bits of both those ideas.
When the cricket show does try and tackle the big issues, they usually get round table discussions with Ian Healy, Mark Taylor and So’d. Does anyone really need that?
D-
I can assure you that from this side of the Tasman, Healy’s accent is every bit as bad as Taylor.You’ve missed out the bit about Greig’s uncanny ability to misread the outcome of a shot. When he says “Oh what a shot” you know there’s someone waiting for it in the deep. When he says “He could be out” chances are it’s going for 6.Strangely enough, Slater is much better when he comes out here to cover matches for SKY NZ. Of particular note is his ability to get under the skin of MD Crowe.
“Got ‘im Yes”"Its all happening here at the MCG”"The tension, the drama. the buzz, the crowd, the atmosphere”"Morning Richie, morning all”"And he is a Victorian!”Surely Phanto deserves better Uncle J!
Yyyes, top post that. The foxtel boys do a better job. t I partcularly like Afghan and Flem. BJ does a decent job as the grab the female and one-day crowd, talking head. AB is just AB. Plus they dont cut to the news at 6pm. Ch.9 is like a scratched record- heard it all before.
Best commentators in the business are Mark ‘Rigger’ Richardson and Simon ‘Has Been’ Doull. Maybe Brad Hogg should take it up he’s not much use for anything else.
Some of those commentators will be hoping Gilly doesn’t say “I want to commentate.” Because if he does, one of them will have to go. In fact, they are probably already relieved Steve Waugh hasn’t flagged an interest.Simon O’Donnell’s hideously fake chuckle-hyuk-hyuk that he slots into the middle of a sentence when he tries to pretend something is funny is about the worst sound on television.And I nearly chucked up last week when Dick Nicholas slurped “Mr Benaud in typically wonderful form” after Richie had made a funny.The coverage has great structure, but most of the individual commentators are atrocious. And it’s been a long time since they told me more than a couple of things I didn’t already know.
Lb, Slater got the job based on his NZ form i heard. Homer, 20 years of the same phrases leaves one a little less than excited, even though he is a great victorian. BG, Flem and Junior are superstars comapred to this mob, but AB is horrible.Tony, Gilly is a shoe in.
well Uncle J,we get to hear the Channel 9 commentators only once so often ( usually when India tours Down Under) and ever since I heard Lawry call Agarkar a “beautiful bowler” AND bought all of the 12th man tapes, Lawry is right up there in the pantheon,next to Boycott and Benaud.Cheers
Small doses of his brilliance is all i need Homer. I love listening to navjot sidhu, but too much of him is a bad thing too.
Uncle J,You are welcome to keep Navjot Sidhu.. Matter of fact, I will pay you to keep him :)Cheers
J Rod. NO. Mark Nicholas is my father, and I won’t have a bad word said against him.We have quite a nice line up for Sky. Mike Atherton, Nasser Hussain and Michael Holding are great. David Lloyd is brilliant, funny and insightful. David Gower is a poor mans Nicholas. Ian Botham is a twat.Nick Knight appears to be an English Slater, style over substance so far, but is improving.
Slater deserves better. He’ll be great in an anchor sorta role, rather than an expert.. he’s good with asking questions of experts, and if he sticks to that, he’ll be much better. But he can’t stick to his guns. Dithers like a little girl.
My favs:David Loyd, Boycott, Harsha Bhogle, Richie B, N Hussain, Michael HoldingGreg Chappell was good when India toured Aus in 2003-04Harsha with David Loyd or Boycott is the best! Who should retire: Sunny G, Tony G, Bill LawryRavi Shastri is boring and says the same things over and over again. Even then, “Star Cricket” coverage of this tour is SO much better than channel 9. I got bored with the channel 9 coverage within a day and switched to star cricket on willow TVWasim Akram and Sanjay Manjrekar are not smooth but have good points or opinions on cricket and dont repeat stuff- ik