Against my better judgement, I really like Andre Nel.
Then again, I have always been partial to mass murderers and cult leaders, so maybe he just continues that trend for me.
Frequent readers of this site may be confused, as Nel is South African, and judging by my previous record, I’m not their biggest fans.
But try as I might, I just can’t help but like him.
Andre is the sort of guy you would love to have on your team, he gives it everything he has, and when that doesn’t work, you can sit at first slip and p1ss yourself while he rolls around the ground after beating a tailender with a straight one.
Clearly he is insane, I wouldn’t argue that.
But if I had to watch a fast bowler late at night, after a few lagers, on my couch, with Natalie beside me, there is no one else in the modern game I would prefer to watch.
We all know the strain of professionalism is killing entertaining cricketers, in bowling, the situation is particularly grim.
The life seems to have disappeared from them, as Probot bowlers and toilers are taking over.
While watching probing overs from Stuart Clark, my mind wanders to thoughts about self mutilation.
When Matthew Hoggard grunts in, I wonder why I spend so much time watching this game.
And if I have to deal with another Kiwi grinder chuggin in for a long spell, I might go postal, or worse, become a scientologist.
That’s why I love Andre, he is completely different from the current crop of fast bowlers, other than his protégé Sreesanth.
I love it when he gives a vicious outburst for what seems a fairly common occurrence, i.e. a 2 minute spray for a batsman missing an outswinger.
His exaggerated follow through for every ball.
The way he turns fast bowling into performance art.
His amazement in not getting a wicket every ball.
The look on his face when a batsman has the audacity to hit a four of him, or a single.
The fact he has a hot sister who likes chubby balding cricketers.
When he dropped Allan Donald with a bouncer, and cried about it.
That he has been caught drink driving and using weed.
He is also underrated as a bowler, the man is a perfect first change bowler.
He is tall, hard to play, always at you, can move the ball both ways, and has a more than handy bouncer.
If you told him to bowl up hill, into a gale, while it rained, on a road, with a midget on his back, he would do so.
You can’t find many people like that, most bowlers frown at the word midget.
But I think the best thing about him is that he makes the batsman assume he is a raving Looney.
Another man did this, his name was Merv Hughes.
While they laugh and scoff at his antics, his brain is ticking over with a new plan to get them out.
When they don’t take you seriously, they forget you’re a threat.
Here is to the high class buffoonery of Andre Nel.
Let’s hope like hell there is never another quite like him, as Scotland Yard don’t need the extra work, but that there are several who are just as insane without the homicidal maniac bit.
I’ve always liked Andre, and not only cause he’s completely insane but also cause he get’s so mad and the veins pop out of his head.That’s what I want to see in a fast bowler. Give Stuey Clark his temprament and see how many more wickets he takes.
Besides this inhuman man love, being a Collingwood supporter and a Victorian, is there anything else you wish to confess?I suppose being rippingly funny you have to have some flaws.
I once found Amy Winehouse attractive. I believe suicide is not only a right of all humans, but some should be forced into it. I am a firm believer in natural selection. I enjoy Oprah and Dr Phil. I have a sick need to watch Drew Barrymore romantic comedies. I like to call people junior. I don’t understand why people want to know things about Anna Nicole Smith. I don’t believe in monogamy. People who like everyone make me suspicious. I am patiently waiting for Tom Cruise to become the new jesus. Not a big fan of people who laugh before i say something funny.
I still find Amy Whitehouse attractive.But then I find Helen Mirren even more attractive.BTW, what’s happened to Sreesanth. If he plays in Perth then thing will get even more interesting.
He is injured i think.
A shame too. I’d much rather spend my time fake-hating him than Harbhajan.He might be able to compete with Nel on the mental side but he’s just a wee bit too small isn’t he? Which probably makes it even more entertaining I guess.
As far as insane cricketers go harbhajan is just too inconsistent. Sometimes he’s dancing on the boundary or doing commando rolls, and others he just comes in and does his job.
Have you seen the lip sync video ala the KFC ads of the Harbi / Roy incident.Harbi to Roy: Hey Roy, do you want to go out after and have a big monkey?Roy: no you didn’t just go there!Sachin: No No Roy a big monkey is the name of the filler in India.Roy: OK I’ll see if Haydos wants to come.Haydos: Nah I don’t eat that shit. I’ve got my own secret recipes, ask Punter.Punter: Hey may be we could all go out, I’ll ask the umpires.Sachin: No Punter they won’t fit in the taxi.Benson to Harbi: Did you just invite everyone out and not us? That’s not very nice. Harbi: OK you can come but you have to pay.Then why don’t you make it. I reckon it could overload youtube.Then again I’m probably talking my usual crap.
Ubc J, put up a pic of Deepika Padukone.
emb, nice work.John, Maybe she’d score more runs than Yuvraj, i mean, who would want to get her out?
imagine sreesanth and andre nell bowling together…in one team i.e.
Well we know what happened when they clashed. Sreesanth hit a monstrous, flat batted six over long off and did a little dance. So I gather he’s a bit shy around some of the more experienced boys.
I also love Andre Nel.. With such a hot sister, he must have had to become homicidal maniac just to stop all the boys that would have been hanging by his house..But fuck, what is she doing with jacques kallis?! Maybe that’s what’s done it?
Or did incest drive him mad suave?
I was thinking that, but held back the urge to go there… But if my sister looked like that, I’d be sniffing her panties!
But with a moustache Uncle?Peter Sellers of cricket he’d be.
Suave, being that i dont have a sister, incest has always seemed kind of natural and right to me. SB, well in order to be merv, he would need one, his face is a little plain.