cricket with balls

Apparently cricket Australia, the Australian cricket team, the general public, Navjot Sidhu and I have not taken 2020 seriously.

Let me apologise now on behalf of all these factions, we have been short sighted.

And in the spirit of taking it seriously I have some suggested upgrades for 2020.

Not major overhauls, just some slight tweaking.

It should be played over five days. Each day 8 overs can be played. People always take cricket more seriously the longer it goes. This does rule Shane Bond out though.

Having music and cheerleaders is one thing, but I suggest Gangsta rap and strippers. If the target audience is adhd teenage boys and Americans, Jay Z and Jenny McCarthy could be flown out. I got 99 problems but the pitch ain’t one.

No one wants to see old dudes flailing the bat around like a drug addict swatting away imaginary rats. So lets make it an under 28 game, remember when cricket teams picked guys under 28?

Every team should have a chick, a gay dude and a nominated minority player. Let’s make this a rainbow coalition game for the fu©kwits who actually believe in that shit.

If you are given out lbw you can challenge the umpire to a caged wrestling match. Or a jelly match against one of the strippers.

Celebrity umpires would be cool, I’m thinking we could have theme nights. 80’s action stars. Van Damme at one end comparing his guns to Symonds, and Steven Segal at the other end explaining global warming to Daniel Vettori.

Mascots, every American sport has mascots. Lets get a giant emu and giant kiwi out on the field and the can have consenting grounded mascot $ex. Mascots are camp anyway, it’s the logical conclusion to their purpose in life.

And the final step to really get the Americans and the kiddies involved, lets have public executions of terrorists. We’ll dress up a hot bird like the chick from resident evil and giver her an ak47. At the change of innings she can chase around some guy who bought too much fertilizer.

Then I would take the game seriously.