cricket with balls

I understand why you and Bradley Hodge decided to open the batting. There was a vacant slot in the Australian team, so you thought, maybe if I make a ton people will forget that Jacques has made 10,000 runs.

That makes sense, (in a I’m desperate to play for Australia kind of way).

The difference is that Hodge, who failed just as bad as you did, only did it once, and he did it before Jacques had smacked the Lankans all round the park.

Mr Watson my question is, you now have 3 ducks from 12 balls, so when is enough, enough.

Sadomasochism is an admirable trait, but surely now you’ve taken it as far as you can.

You’re clearly not an opener. That’s not a slight on your character, not everyone is an opener, in fact usually 4 of the top 6 batsmen aren’t openers. True story.

I’ve never seen a cricketer more intent on changing the way he plays for selectors. You were a really good prospect as a number 5 or 6 at one stage.

Then someone whispered in your ear that to be picked for Australia you have to bat top four for your state. So you moved yourself to 4. Then Langer retires and you decided you’re an opener.

Your bowling is similar. You came into the side as a reasonably quick bowler seam bowler. Then someone said hey you’d have more luck if you swung it. So thats what you did.

Do you actually have an idea of the sort of cricketer you want to be, or are you just trying to fill what the selectors want?

Cause Shane I’ve got a tip for you, selectors don’t know what the hell they want.

One day they want attacking opening batsmen, the next, they want Simon Katich. You will never know what they want, cause they sure as fu©k don’t.

Think of them like women, for whatever reason the selectors have a crush on you, so stop asking them how they feel, stop saying are you ok, stop bringing them flowers and for fu©ks sake stop asking them why they like you. Just accept the fact that out of all the ugly pri©ks in the yard, they wanna jump your bones.

Go out and make an a$$ full of runs and take a $hitload of wickets and they will wanna have your babies.

They obviously like you, otherwise they wouldn’t have picked you so many times. Especially since most of those times you’ve failed.

Oh and I do try not to write about Brad Hodge and Shane Watson so much. But some how they keep dragging me back in.

Its an illness I have.