wild west cricketers

Hey I’m bored shitless so I’m comparing western characters to cricketers.

Matthew Hayden – John Wayne – The Searchers or pretty much any film he was in.

I’m probably not the first person to make this comparison, but just cause it’s obvious don’t make it untrue. The duke understood the west, and some days he would have just sat there and watched it, just like Hayden sitting on the pitch the day before a test. In the searchers John goes a little too far, there is macho domination, and then there is being an arrogant bully. Sound like any opening batsmen we know?

Andre Nel – the old guy in town that is there for comedic value

Need I say more, its Andre fucking Nel.

Yuvraj Singh – Clint Eastwood – any spaghetti western

Everything about the man with no name was introverted. Watch Singh at the crease, he has the Eastwood stare, he almost dares the bowlers to come into him. Not a man for big words, but when he says something people listen. Even when Singh is smashing the ball there is a restraint, dare I say it a touch of coolness there, and is there any western character cooler than Eastwood?

Adam Gilchrist – William Holden – the wild bunch

His best days maybe behind him, but the doesn’t mean he can’t take a Mexican government down on his way out. Only one way to go down, all guns blazing.

Ms Dhoni – Alan Ladd – Shane

This is my favourite one, cause Dhoni is little, Alan Ladd is little, so it seems like I actually looked into this one. They strode into town just as the farmers needed some leadership and balls. They both look a little gay, but Jack Palance and most bowling attacks around the world know not too question their sexuality. Lets hope for Dhoni his story ends better than Shane’s did.

Andrew Symonds – woody strode – the professionals and a heap of others

Woody was the token black actor in an ass full of westerns. Do I have to explain it?

Murali – Gary Cooper – high noon

What to do when everyone in town abandons you, when you are positive that you are right but no one wants to stand beside you. Hell, you keep on taking wickets regardless of whether men with guns or Bishen Bedi talking into a microphone is coming after you. Even if you are a chucker, or a commie pinko lefty.

Ricky Ponting – Harry Carey in a bunch of westerns

Harry Carey films are so damn boring, because the man just never ever lost and the cardboard back drops and such. Take out the 2005 ashes campaign and Ricky Ponting’s career is pretty damn similar. Also Punter is old school, and Harry is old, well actually he’s dead, but he was the first western star.

Sourav Ganguly – Gene Hackman – unforgiven

On his day Sourav was the greatest villain going around, but just like Gene Hackmen he wasn’t the best villain of all time. Jack Palance and Ranatunga have that award covered. However what Gene and Sourav have is the ability to bring people together, in their hatred of them. Or in their love of them.

Stuart Clark – Lee Marvin – the professionals

Hard to believe anyone who looks like Clark or Marvin has a sense of humour? Both of them get the job done, with a sly smile on the side. And Marvin has grey hair and Clark should have, cause he bowls like a 45 year old grade cricketer, except for all the wickets. In fact scrap this one cause no cricketer ever, with the exception of Keith Miller is cool enough to be compared to Lee Marvin.

Rahul Dravid or Sachin Tendulakr – Johnny Depp – dead man

In dead man Johnny Depp’s best friend keeps telling he is already dead, until finally he puts him out to sea. So now Rahul and Sachin just need to decide who is the one who is to be floating out to sea.

Andrew Flintoff – any one who goes up against a hero or really kick ass anti hero in a western.

They always look tough, but end up dead or injured all too quickly.

What a fucken film this is

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8 thoughts on “wild west cricketers

  1. Sumit Chakraberty says:

    add uthappa to the list – doesn’t he always look like he’s riding out to the bowlers? so you could put any western star’s name to him: say jack palance as in barrabas?

  2. The Atheist says:

    Herschelle Gibbs – The mad Cowboy Robot in Westworld played by Yul Brynner.Determined, single-minded and devastatingly effective. Can occasionally give off sparks in the right condition, if a little wooden at times. Generally breaks down towards the end and fails to finish off his victim in a disappointing way. Totally devoid of personality.

  3. Soulberry says:

    Uncle, back then I had a favorite from the bookworld – Oliver Strange’s Sudden aka Jim Green.Who would Sudden be?

  4. Uncle J rod says:

    Atheist, i like that alot, but all sa cricketers are robots.soul, sudden was someone who had the lightingning quick pace but only used it when he thought it was neccassary. Sounds like brett lee to me, could have been an evil gunslinger but chose to the right thing with it. what a shame, evil is so much more fun, ask shaun tait.

  5. Soulberry says:

    Shaun? Evil? My ears just grew longer!Wouldn’t it be fun if one were able to run in like Shaun and sling it down?Way back, in my youthful days, when imitation was still OK, I tried to sling it like Thommo did during a phase when he ruled the imagination. If you have that kind of firepower, I can imagine it must be tempting to be the evil one.

  6. Uncle J rod says:

    Soul, Tait is evil, he likes seeing blood on the wicket (word on the street corner is he raring to attack the Indians). Which is refreshing compared to Breet Lee who hits a batsmen then checks how he is.

  7. SixandOut says:

    I think there’s also a Di Caprio- in-the-making in cricket.Six, who absolutely hates filling in the verification code every time.

  8. Uncle J rod says:

    Six, Leo was only in the quick and the dead, and no cricketer wants to be compared to that film.

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