cricket with balls

After talking about how sexy South Africa is, I thought I’d compare all test nations to women/girls/chicks I’ve slept with.

Australia – Like a certain red head I know. Always willing to attack, never takes a backwards step and is never out of the game. Can win from anywhere. Willing to try new things, but usually likes to know these things have worked for others. Great depth and even when injured or tired always puts in and tries to win, and you always feel she will. Not quiet out on the field. Worthy Test and One day champion.

Bangladesh – A very inexperienced little brunette. I could have stayed with her until she learnt the ropes, but instead I’ll watch from afar. If she ever lives up to her potential I’ll be sure to contact her again. She could be great, or just another battler.

England – A auburn haired lass I spent a lot of time with. Always looked like she could be anything, but in general her performances under pressure were not good enough. Not enough variety, and I was often left disappointed at critical moments. Her victories, although rare were awesome and greatly celebrated.

India – A hippie chick I shared moments with. Looked very exotic, but when you actually stripped her down and saw her form she was very plain. When she was good she was very good, but when she was bad you get the idea. I could never really tell what mood she was in. She has a lot of fans though, I hear.

New Zealand – a shy bookkeeper I’ve seen a few times. Not the most attractive girl I’ve ever been with, but more than makes up for it with her performances on the pitch. Plays above herself almost every time she takes the field. Wildly inventive and proves yet again looks can be deceiving. Not a world cup winner, but you know you’ll get a few good wins out of her.

Pakistan – A mousy blonde I spent way too much time with. Could be anything, had so much flexibility and improvisation. Problem was she was clearly insane, and I sensed a lot of in fighting. When she was good, she was simply amazing, but it didn’t last long and afterwards I felt confused and disappointed, it was all so fleeting. Occasionally suspected of match fixing, and in Ramadan was not available for anything.

South Africa – Probably the best looking girl I’ve ever been with. Blonde, tall, great curves, athletic and had a top pedigree. No doubt that she was the most robotic woman I’ve ever had on the pitch. She had a routine that was all worked out long before you got her onto the pitch. Left me cold after every major occasion, but in minor events she was always dependable.

Sri lanka – Another red head I had the good fortune to see. Very experienced but had a young spirit. Wasn’t a great performer in all aspects of the game, but in the ones she specialised in, she was simply outstanding. That is what separated her from the pack, but she didn’t have the overall game to beat Australia.

West Indies – A dirty blonde girl I spent my youth with. Unconventional, but still good at the fundamentals of the game. Too predictable, not enough variety, you knew what you were getting before hand. Mind you in a game where every one is so similar it was nice to play a different form of cricket with her. Alas her best years have passed her by, and don’t look like they will ever return.

Zimbabwe – A statuesque young brunette who likes to please. Up and coming, hard to get a good form line on, severely lacking experience. You get a feeling there is quite a bit of conflict behind the scenes. Still needs to learn a few more of the basics. Too early to tell, may take a similar stance to Bangladesh.

Natalie Portman, as of yet I haven’t slept with her.